She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
