he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dear god my vagina.
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