The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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