I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I want to make a zoo with you.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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