i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
