That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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