Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
