i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
