i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm getting married
To pizza
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
