I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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