I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the day after is always just damage control
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
