So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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