would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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