Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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