can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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