i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
