I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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