My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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