I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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