Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Don't make out with my wife yet
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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