Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I need to calm my uterus...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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