My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
