Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
third nipple confirmed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
