i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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