I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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