no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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