hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
