Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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