oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
