Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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