Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
