Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
