In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
