I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
