I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
