and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
