oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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