Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
