your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
