I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
