dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There r osticjed everywhere
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
