I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
