Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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