I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wish my penis had a tongue
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
