Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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