dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
