I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
