i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
