4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
