it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
